new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
