$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
