I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
