I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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