come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
