I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
