but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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