So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were destined to go to rehab together
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
