Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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