I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize