apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
