she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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