I will die if light touches me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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