my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
