Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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