ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
