I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
