This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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