Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
