I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
