I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
