google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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