I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
