my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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