Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
