Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
