Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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