In the future we'll all be gay
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
