At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
