i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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