I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
