He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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