I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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