You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
