in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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