I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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