I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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