I puked a lego.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
