I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
