Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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