How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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