Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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