Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
