I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
