How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
