i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
