I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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