I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
