can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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