You're my little dorito
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
please come you make the beer taste better
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
