I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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