they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
