You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
