my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
