I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
