Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
