i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
