I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
