john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
