They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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