it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
