one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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