I wish my penis had an off switch
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
