Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
