So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
