weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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