if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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