You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
