Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
