i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
