lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
