She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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