the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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