I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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