remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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