woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
