dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
