To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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