a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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