I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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