look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
