Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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