we have officially lost it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Boobs speak an international language.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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