sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
