he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
