You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
