i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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