I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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