eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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